It has been two years ago today. Seems like a long time in my mind. So many things have changed and taken place since then. I have re-read my letters to you and realized I have had a progression of healing. I guess it is true about time and acceptance. I have cryed today. It has been my day to close out the world and just grieve for what was lost. I think that is ok. I think I deserve to do that every once in a while. I can not bury my feelings ALL the time and pretend they don't exist. Today is my day to remember and smile and cry if I want to with no explainations to anyone. I have tryed to stay busy and am everywhere all the time, but it works for me. I have allowed someone to touch my heart but quickly threw that stone wall back up around it. It was a complete shock that anyone could touch it as many pieces as it had been in. I think your smiling that someone was able to touch my heart again. I also let someone see me cry. (yea, I know, I know) Hard to believe isn't it? I did, but it was at a vulnerable moment. I think you can see and know everything that goes on with me and think you are good with everything I am doing. I am doing what you told me to do, "be happy again". I'm trying. You told me your worst fear was leaving me alone. There is such a difference in being alone and being lonely. I am not lonely. I enjoy my life and am content and peaceful with it now. You told me I was strong and I never believed you because I was always so afraid when you were sick. The thing I was most afraid of has happened so everything in life now is easy. You gave me the inspiration to love life and make days count. To grab moments of opportunity because they may not come along again. I never thanked you for that. I think you know already though. You always knew before I did what I was thinking..lol. Cliff I am standing. I am living. I am doing as you asked. I miss you everyday and hope you are flirting with all the good-looking angels (some things never change so I'm not even going to try to change you there either..lol) Your Wife Person Me