I can't think, I can't eat. I miss him so much it's killing me. I can't do anything but cry. Screw being brave and holding it together. I just can't. I can't bear to look at his things and think of doing anything with them. There is no smell to his pillow anymore. that is killing me. At least I could smell him on it. No one can understand unless they have lost the love of their life, their best friend. their heroe. He was mine. Saw the Doc Fri for a bad sore throat. He loved Cliff. He didn't come right out and say it, but I think he did. He said Cliff wouldn't have lived as long without me. I know better, he had a spirit that was so strong. Nothing would have kept him down much. I wish we had made it to do more. I wish I had been there to hold is hand when he was dying. I wish I had known how it could have possibly happened. Wish someone had told us. It would have made a huge difference. I would have never left him alone. I would have been there so he wouldn't have been scared. I miss him.